Ladies say it all the time: “once a cheater, always a cheater” and “all men are dogs.” A lot of men are frequently branded as no good, low down, cheating men – those same men who were dogs in high school and college and never were delivered from their player ways. Isn’t it sad to see a man in his 20s and 30s (or in worse cases, even older than that) still juggling women and leaving a trail of broken hearts in the process?
Even in the church, single men are sometimes found guilty of dating multiple women and being known as the “church player” or the “ladies man.” When women exhibit these promiscuous behaviors, it is automatically deemed a major self-esteem issue, but do you think men suffer through these same identity issues as women do?
Some women like to believe that men are inherently evil, and are preying innocent and sweet women to damage their hearts and minds. But what about those men who are falling to peer pressure and media stereotypes more than women? Have we been ignoring the self-esteem issues of Black men?
With so much media hype about the single and successful Black woman and the lack of available “good” Black men around, I think we also must discuss why men are choosing not to settle down. There is a society of men that are being trained up to be players from youth, where it is from lack of fathers in the home, lack of education or the glorifying of multiple sexual partners in our media. Whatever it is, Black men have a lack right now. And what they need is more than a good woman to straighten them out.
I would suggest to ladies that if you are approached by a man who you know is a player, that you ask him to pray with you. Don’t cast him off as a loser just because you don’t see him as a potential mate. As a Christian, you are supposed to be a light and make it clear that you will not indulge in his player ways, but you will pray for him and suggest that he find some saved men to learn manhood from.
Ask him if his lifestyle makes him happy, or makes him feel trapped. Invite him to church. You don’t have to sit with him, it’s not a date. Share with him scriptures in the Bible that pertain to men and their issues. I have been surprised to read so many like Proverbs 6:20-35 and Proverbs 7:1-27 that deal with cheating men and the manipulative women who attack them. Yes, the book of God says that men should feel attacked by us!
Psalms 1:1-3 also gives a clear description of what a good man is. Instead of having a list of all these silly things that you need in a man, tell a man that this is what you are looking for.
Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked nor stand in the way of sinners nor sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers.
So today, ladies, you have the power to do more for a man than just becoming his wife. We each have the power to save our men from an unhappy life and an eternity in Hell. Men need strong, sophisticate and saved ladies to tell them that they can indeed have a mature relationship with a woman who loves the Lord first. Instead of being his lover, wifey or his chick on the side, maybe God put you into his life to be a living epistle. Ladies, if we don’t pray for our men and show them how God can change their lives for the better, who will?
Post your thoughts and your responses to the subject at hand in the comments section below to tell us what experiences you’ve had concerning dating men in the church.