While some of us might give mountain-moving performances in the bedroom, it could be a different story if you had to donate your bodily fluids to a medical institution.
The cold, dry walls.
The sharp, medical tools.
Not exactly a turn on.
Well one Chinese company is trying to lighten the mood for an evening of ejaculation.
The Jiangsu Sanwe Medical Science and Technology Center has manufactured a device known as the “sperm extractor,” and it’s solely for patients who can’t or don’t want to masturbate themselves. According to Metro, all folks have to do is get comfortable with the machine’s lubricated “massage pipe,” then through a combination of speed and pressure, the sperm is supposed to come flowing for all your “medical” needs.
Despite the practical use of the machine, some Twitter users weren’t happy about this new way of life. One @BNagorski wasn’t convinced, arguing, “So I’m ‘reluctant to masturbate’ but willing to put my junk into an atm with a flesh light attached?”
Of course, other people had a full supply of lewd jokes they were ready to share.
“I feel sorry for whoever has to clean these machines,” @Kyesha_Marie said.
“I would like to get one for my uhhh… hospital,” said @KenXyro.
According to a Reuters video, the provocative device is supposed to mimic the feel of a vaginal environment, via twitching, sucking, massage and yes, vibration. You can also adjust the height of the machine along with the speed, force and heat.
The whole thing was created because the Chinese government had fears of a looming semen shortage, according to Metro.
Yup…out of all the fears a country could have, they were scared people weren’t going to deliver the goods. Apparently, China was having a lack of sperm donations, so they’ve urged their men to lend a helping hand…or machine.
“Hospitals mostly use masturbation as their collection method without providing a venue or equipment,” inventor Ding Guijiang told Reuters. “This makes collecting sperm on site very difficult. We invented an automatic sperm extractor which is also user friendly.”
From a medical and psychological standpoint, this machine could also help people with erectile disfunction or just plain “getting it up.”
With the proper stimulant, the sperm extractor could do things a fleshlight or measly old hand could never do…
It’s the future ya. Get with it.
And if you need extra “research,” you can buy the device here for a cost between $4,999 and $5,999.
Hit the flip for more reactions to this fascinating tool.
The people are definitely amused…and interested.
Calibrated Coitus: This “Sperm Extractor” Device Has Twitter All Worked Up For The Future was originally published on globalgrind.com